The balance between accessing childcare and maintaining healthy family relationships is a tricky one. Because so much can go wrong whenever a family member is able to lend a hand with a kiddo. There’s the matter of payment. And does the babysitter feel like they’re being taken advantage of? Or held to unfair standards?
Well, a mom on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit is in the throes of family babysitting drama. She and her husband have two kids, ages 1 and 3. This woman who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit lingo) works from home and had a nanny for the kids who unexpectedly stopped “for personal reasons.”
“The first week without a babysitter was a mess and my husband told his mother that we were suffering,” OP said.
The “Fix”
Well, OP’s mother-in-law was “dismissed from the service” and offered to help. The two women don’t have a close relationship because this MIL is the “typical ‘momma bear'” who took a long time to respect her son and DIL’s boundaries. But, OP and her MIL were on good terms and she was desperate for childcare.
And so, she and her husband accepted the MIL’s offer.
“It was hell,” OP said.
“She doesn’t understand the concept that me being at home working is not the same as being off work,” OP continued, echoing a sentiment so many people who WFH feel. The MIL would often ask for help, come talk about random things, let the kids in the room, and she caused “several other interruptions.”
“After a lot of complaining and talking, things got a little better, but it was still a huge amount of stress,” she said.
Then What?
Then comes the second week. OP’s MIL said she would continue to babysit, but she would need to be paid. She offered a “price” that was “a little below average but nothing special.”
OP talked it over with her husband and said she didn’t want this to continue. Even if this was a cheaper childcare option, the experience was so stressful for OP. But her husband said this would be a great way to help his mother before she retires in three years and that it would be nice to have family — and not “someone strange” — in the house.
“I said that I was the one who stayed at home with her and got interrupted all the time and he didn’t work at home to find out how much his mother disrupts his work routine by not respecting limits,” OP said.
AITA for hiring someone else instead of my unemployed MIL?
byu/TAmilbanny inAmItheAsshole
“He still doesn’t agree with me, saying that we should give his mother a chance and that she has already shown herself capable of changing (with a looot difficulty and time) and that he didn’t want her to go through difficulties,” OP continued.
They ultimately agreed to pay her for two weeks of work and help a bit with her bills. Neither OP’s husband nor her MIL is happy with the situation, and so she wants to know, “AITA for hiring someone else instead of my unemployed MIL?”
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit is firmly Team NTA. MIL had her chance. She wasn’t helping. It didn’t work. Done.
“This is a hill to die on,” said another Redditor who insisted OP was “100%” not the a—hole. “Some people simply do not understand work from home boundaries – and it clearly sounds like your MIL is one of them.”
“Your reasons are completely valid and I see his point as well but the facts are, your MIL doesn’t respect agreed upon boundaries and that will wreak havoc on your family.”
“This is not about family,” another said. “It’s business. You are trying to fill an employment position. This behavior would be unacceptable from an employee you weren’t related to, and it’s not acceptable from your MIL…Her presence is creating unnecessary stress and contention. It’s better for your relationship with her if you limit the exposure. Your partner needs to understand that. I realize his intentions are good, but ‘road to hell’ and all that.”
So many people said this WFH situation really hit close to *ahem* home.
“I have had family go through similar issues. It’s absolutely not worth the stress and impact this could have on your job. It will further strain your relationship with your MIL and subsequently you and your [husband] and your kids and even THEIR relationship with grandma.”
Absolutely. Things were just going to escalate — “to an all-out dumpster fire” — and no one wants that kind of ongoing stress and tension on the family. Good on OP for ending things when she did.
Before you go, check out some of Reddit’s most horrifying money disaster stories.
